Wonder & Awe: Learn to Flirt with the World

wonder & awe, the keys to belonging and connection! or at least that's how we see it here at crybaby HQ in the bubbling cauldron center of the jacuzzi-verse! 

yes, being human is complex. so much so, that we can forget we have agency—even under violence & oppressive systems—to choose how we show up. so let's swan dive into the wondrous nature of existence by opening ourselves to wonder & awe. to flirting with the world BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS FLIRTS BACK. big-point-alert >> when we open ourselves to relationality, we practice unraveling the painful knots of coloniality. so flirting = liberation (see what we did there?)!

also, in this episode we'll have our first *special guest*—a real squishy, cosmic surprise! so tune in, turn on, and get into flirt-the-world mode with dana and all the crybabies.

~ show notes ~

• karen barad, meeting the universe halfway (quantum physics and the entanglement of matter and meaning) ~ https://smartnightreadingroom.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/meeting-the-universe-halfway.pdf
• enter to win a free coaching session ~ when you leave a 5-star rating (only) and a written review, you'll be entered into a monthly drawing for a free 90-min coaching session with dana (value of $388). DM (@danablix instagram) or email a screenshot of your submission—take it right before you hit submit—along with the review name/title. winner announcements will be made across platforms!

// sound design & editing by rose blakelock, theme song by kat ottosen, cover art by natalee miller // 

Transcript

Interconnected Flirting With Wonder and Awe

Speaker 1 0:02

Have you ever flirted with the sun or a plant , or just the air , or a soft sweater , or a smell , or your own shadow ? A spray of an orange peel ? As you peel it , a piece of music , dandelion growing up through the crack in a sidewalk , the scent of a stranger left as they walk by you on the street ? A memory , a swamp bug , a bo-weevil ? A dream ? Yes . Making love to life yes . Vital entanglement . Let us , in this episode and forever after , because this episode and all episodes of Crying in my Jacuzzi are a spell , a spell , let us call in connect with two vital currencies of living . Let's give a great , warm welcome to my friend Wonder and my friend Ah Wonder and Ah Wonder and Ah I . They're big old flirts too . I tell you what crying in my jacuzzi , crying in my jacuzzi , crying in my jacuzzi , crying in my jacuzzi , crying in my jacuzzi .

Speaker 1 2:04

I want to do the gentle distinction between wonder and awe . In her book Atlas of the Heart , brene Brown and she's quoting some other researchers she talks about the distinction between awe and wonder and explains it like this Wonder inspires the wish to understand , awe inspires the wish to let it shine , to acknowledge , to unite . I want to invite us to play with this idea that wonder and awe , especially in these complex , heartbreaking times . I don't see where our world is getting less complex and less heartbreaking , just more opportunities for us to be with complexity and learn how to be with heartbreak and understand the power of heartbreak . Wonder can fuel our passion , can turn us on to explore , to get curious , to learn more , to connect more , and in some other research that Brene Brown brings in , she highlights that the research finds that awe can lead people to share resources , to cooperate , to sacrifice for others , and can cause people to really fully appreciate the value of others , to see others more accurately , and that evokes humility .

Speaker 1 4:03

There's an article in the Harvard Business Review called why you Need to Protect your Sense of Wonder , especially Now , and it was written a couple of years ago . But there's this one piece in it and this is about wonder and awe and it focuses a bit more on awe experiences , awe-inducing experiences , uh , and its effects on stress and resilience . Right , it's a hard business review , but let me read this one part . Cultivating experiences of awe is especially important and helpful now as we renew our energy and make plans for a more hopeful future . That's because , beyond physical effects like tingling and goosebumps and a lowered heart rate under stress . Awe also affects us emotionally . One experimental group , when asked to draw pictures of themselves , literally drew themselves smaller in size after having an awe experience . Such an effect has been termed unselfing . The shift has big benefits . Your desire to connect with and help others increases . People who experience awe also report higher levels of overall life satisfaction and well-being . Experiences of awe are associated with the lowered levels of reported stress . Recent research using fMRI has also shown that experiences of awe , such as watching awe-inspiring videos , compared to neutral or pleasant videos , decreases activity in the brain's default mode network , the DMN , which is associated with self-focus and rumination . The result is decreased mental chatter .

Speaker 1 5:52

Just a note here too , on the DMN . The default mode network , or how the brain thinks about itself , is there to help us make sense of the world . It's there to do that to make sense of the world , to connect us with others , to help us remember things , to do all sorts of stuff around our creativity and mapping the world around us . It runs whenever our brains relaxes . I was about to say soften . That sounded gross . It's relax , brains relaxes . I was about to say soften . That sounded gross . It relaxes when we're not trying to figure things out , solve things and we're not intentionally thinking about anything , or when we're not distracted .

Speaker 1 6:40

And I really love the work of Sarah Payton . She wrote a book called your Resonant Self and then she's got an accompanying workbook and all sorts of goodness . She does some great breakdowns of the default mode network . What happens when it's stressed and unstressed , even though that the default mode network is profoundly shaped by the unconscious contracts that we live with , that we carry , that when the DMN is working well , it easily learns self-warmth , even if that concept is brand new , right , not something we necessarily grew up with . So when we're stressed , our DMN , that problem solver that's stressed and that automatic brain voice can become intrusive and enjoyment of our lives , of the world around us , can become more difficult . Beautiful work that I mean . There's lots of different types of work that can help support increased self-warmth . Sarah Payton does it through various practices , through resonance , which she calls to grow , to begin to grow a permaculture garden of neurons that can hold us safely in our brains .

Speaker 1 8:19

I want you to think back to the last time , or a time that stands out for you , where you felt awestruck , where you witnessed something and were feeling , just the experience of wanting to stand back and observe and let this phenomenon something magnificent even in its subtlety , even in its smallness , even in its mundanity . Simple moment with someone you care about , something in nature , art , music . So just simmer in that for a moment , notice how that feels in your body , to even just call up that momentary transcendence . And now do this with wonder . The last time or a recent time or any time in your life that just wants to raise its hand and poke its head up from your memory storage area and really felt .

Speaker 1 9:54

You really felt wonder , delighted , and that passion , that curiosity you know my favorite was ignited for you . You're like how , how is this possible ? How does this work ? This is so wild . This feels just absolutely unreal . Maybe you went on to learn more , get curious , maybe you forgot about it and now you're remembering and that curiosity has peaked again in some way . Just let yourself simmer in it for a moment , feel it in your body , feel what turns on for you . Maybe a bunch of different memories are coming to the top for you and you're like , wow , I have experienced a lot of wonder and awe , that's so cool .

Speaker 1 11:13

yay you . And know that people listening all over the world because there are actually listeners all over the world , part of the tub club here , crybabies unite that are also feeling this and remembering and remembering and letting these feelings just rise within them and percolate , roll out through the limbs through the energetic field . Look at how cool we are . I think I'm actually feeling awe right now just thinking about all of you . Maybe you are too . Look at us making a web of connection Through awe Is this what flirting with the world feels like .

Speaker 1 12:16

I think so , alex . It feels weird and tingly , yeah Whoa . In Karen Barad's book Meeting the Universe Halfway , she says all real living is meeting and each meeting matters . She creates a term intra-action and she uses it to replace interaction , which is about bodies acting upon each other right , how things interact , participating in actions with each other , but that instead of interaction things acting upon each other interaction acknowledges agency , understands agency as something that all things have . It's not just a thing for humans and it's about the dynamic , how all things are constantly exchanging and influencing each other , exchanging and influencing each other . All things are connected because all things have agency , and an interaction in a way means that it's impossible for anything to be separate . I mean , this is some next level , interdimensional flirtation . I'm talking about here people . So this is flirting .

Speaker 1 14:04

I love that I take like scholarly texts and reduce them down to these concepts According to human design . This is a skill of mine . I mean , whether you think I'm skillful at it or not apparently doesn't matter to me , because here we are , but this is flirting as relationality and acknowledging that all things have agency . Thus we can interact with all things . We can flirt , connect with anything around us , right ? So that doesn't that just take some pressure off of it .

Speaker 1 14:52

This isn't about needing to go and and cultivate a sense of wonder and awe to turn you on to the world , to like , keep those , uh , those fires of vitality and creativity , like , keep those fires stoked by having to go sit at a bar and flirt with someone and that , whatever the thing is like no , no , the world is your big old flirt oyster full of pearls of wonder and awe . But if all things have agency , agential beings , all things , things , then there are some boundaries that in this flirting can be dissolved . A hierarchy or an anthropocentrism , right like humans are the top tier of the thing , all the things that matter most and the only things worth really interacting with , that maybe starts to shift . And when you look at everything around you as potential for interaction , potential for flirtation , for connectivity to be turned on , to make love to life .

Speaker 2 16:35

I love you .

Speaker 1 16:37

You could stimulate that wonder , that awe , which we know because the Harvest Business Review told us lowers our stress level , decreases our mental chatter , increases our desire to connect with and help others , can increase our levels of overall life satisfaction and well-being . Okay , I'm just kidding . Harvest Business Review did say that , but that is not the only reason we are bringing up this point . But those , if we just take some of those in some of that information in you take some of that in because my guess is that I said some of those in some of that information in you take some of that in Because my guess is that I said some of those things and even though I said it in a funny voice , you're like , yeah , I've had that experience before . Mm-hmm , I could see that , yes , there's some resonance . There is my guess that you can do this , that you can do this , you can cultivate all that by flirting with a plant and letting it flirt back with you . You can flirt with a breeze and let it flirt back with you . Maybe a color on a wall I mean , do you ever flirt with colors ? Oh God , I do Textures this little family of quails bopping around in my backyard here . I can't get too close to them , but I do feel a little bit like I flirt with them , not when I just put out water for them and I watch them come and do their little like . I don't want to do it too loud and give Rose , my sound editor , a headache . But connection , and not just in nature . Some robots really love to flirt . That's facts . So we're talking flirting , sensuality , being sensually engaged , and again , that does not have to be about anything other than the engagement of your senses . So go get weird , go get turned on , go interact , go flirt with the world , even in the tiniest , smallest little ways . Caress a tree branch , spend a few moments , minutes longer in the sun than you might normally appreciate , in a ray coming through the window and maybe how it's landing on your arm , or the chatter of people , maybe speaking a different language next to you in a restaurant , or the sound of wind coming through trees , the rhythmic sound of a train or a subway or whatever you're in , anything anywhere . See it as an opportunity to flirt , to cultivate wonder and awe , to undo the ties of supremacy and hierarchy that keep you of separation right , that keep you separate from the world around you , that keep you acting upon things as opposed to acting with things , acting with others .

Embracing Lightness and Agency

Speaker 1 20:22

I'm an only child , and so I have spent a lot of time with myself . I like my brain , I like my imagination , and there's a thing that I think I had to learn to like about myself , that's my lightness Of light , of lightness , of enjoying the ride , of not taking myself too seriously , and I didn't always appreciate my lightness because I got it confused with not smart enoughness . Imagine having magic baked in already inside of yourself and then forgetting it's magic and thinking that it's a problem , that somehow it's a thing that needs to be fixed , when it's maybe your very best thing . I spent a lot of time taking myself really seriously , and when I left school I really wanted to be an activist . I got that job .

Speaker 1 21:34

I was surrounded by brilliant humans who had been doing movement work for decades , and I really felt so intimidated and like I was not smart enough .

Speaker 1 21:48

All of that from my younger years came crashing back into my life , and one of my bosses at that time , actually at a retreat , called me ditzy , like in front of everyone , and I felt so conflicted at that time about my lightness because it came so easily and it felt at my core so resonant , so true to who , I am Able to bring some levity and find something wondrous and beautiful and something to laugh at and balance , to bring to the heaviest , darkest shit which is sort of the business of being an activist sometimes and my lightness never wavered , even though I wavered .

Speaker 1 22:45

I wavered in my trust of it , but it never wavered in its presence and it never wavered in its commitment to me . And so , after a whole lot of inner work around that core pattern of not feeling smart enough , pattern of not feeling smart enough , I feel so solid in the gift of my lightness , my ability to not take myself too seriously , and also I know I'm really , really smart . So now I get to be both . I mean , I was always both and I'm so grateful that lightness , this quality of my being , I mean you got it too . It's in there , it's got its own flavor and it's at its own level and you have your own relationship to it . But all this wonder and awe in this existence , I know how to tap into it all the time because of that lightness .

Speaker 1 23:55

And I'm so grateful that it's always come so easy for me , even when I struggled with it , even when I knew that it gave me access to seeing the world in more miraculous , magical ways .

Speaker 2 24:17

I guess we could say you're an easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , easy , aw , easy aw .

Speaker 1 24:28

You totally get it . That's so good . Wait , are you a giant worm that just made an ?

Speaker 2 24:35

orgasm pun . Well , check out the big brain on , Brad . Technically I'm a quantum worm . I love what you were saying , though , about lightness . I think it's very underrated for most creatures , except for hummingbirds Surprisingly , various forms of lichen and lightness is not lost on them .

Speaker 1 25:03

Huh , lichen . I guess I could totally see that . Huh , lichen , I guess I could totally see that . I learned from Robin Wall Kimmerer's book Braiding Sweetgrass that lichen are actually two different organisms coming together . They're a fungus and an algae . It's a partnership , because the Funky is good at one thing and needs some help , and the Algae is good at doing another thing but also needs some help . And so then , when they work together , like it , I think about that all the time . Oh yes .

Speaker 2 25:44

And in my experience from all the liking I've met , they don't take themselves very seriously . They're full of likeness , but I think part of that is because they come from very harsh conditions . It's not like the fungus in the house , they're just laid something . They're really struggling . And in that struggle comes a fabulous bee . That could be very serious . That's really a goofball .

Speaker 1 26:23

Huh , I really appreciate that . Maybe be like Lycan , not taking ourselves so seriously , even if we come from really harsh conditions , right , because it seems like the point here is that maybe Lycan uses its agency to make this choice about how it's going to move through the world .

Speaker 2 26:51

Oh , yes , All beings are essential beings . They all have agency , no matter what kind of conditions they're in . Sometimes choices are small , but they really matter .

Speaker 1 27:08

Small choices do matter .

Speaker 2 27:11

Fractals Love a fractal . Oh , this was fun . Tell Jane and Alex I'll say hi . Anywho got two .

Speaker 1 27:26

Oh , my god , wait , you know Alex and Janet . Huh , guess . That was my first guess . Quantum Worm . I didn't even catch their name . If you can hear me , you're welcome back anytime . That was totally fun Crying in my jacuzzi .

Podcast Rating and Credits

Speaker 1 28:05

If you enjoyed what we did here today , go over to wherever it is that you are listening to this podcast and give us a rating as many stars .

Speaker 2 28:16

Five .

Speaker 1 28:17

As your heart desires . Five stars though . Theme music and other musical bits by the very talented Kat Otteson , sound design and editing by the effervescent Rose Blakelock . Thank you , thank you . Thank you so much for being here . I look forward to playing with you more in my jacuzzi . That sounded dirtier than I meant it , but you know what I mean .